The box of kitchenware that I spread out on all the counters is still there, but the big moving activity today was removing a whole stationwagonful from my apartment to Alwyn and Dan's. I'd brought it all on purpose, and had talked to Alwyn about it, of course, so it was no surprise - but it was a surprise to see how much of it there was. I decided today that I was going to give away all the stainless tableware and I am glad I did, but it was a little harder than I expected. In fact, this little piece of letting go was in general a challenge. Maybe it was because it was Alwyn I was going through it with. I felt as if I were saying to her, and to each little object, "I'm not who you think I am." Of course I am really saying that to myself, as I join new communities of new friends and acquaintances. And that has been a theme over the past three years - I am not who I think I am. Or who I thought I was. I really don't know who I think I am and I am probably not at all who I thought I was nor think I am now.
Passing my kitchen on to my daughter changes me as a mother, as a woman. It's an honor, a relief, a sadness, and a joy.
There's a certain joy in just being!
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